Firstly, let me preface this by reminding you, dear Reader, that I am not a psychologist, nor am I in any way a mental health professional. I am simply a teacher with a lot of therapy under my belt who loves to write and has a lot of opinions. ;)
Okay, so real talk: Where I work, there are a lot of children who have been making self-desparaging comments as well as directing desparaging comments to their peers. It truly bothers me to hear out of young children this sort of talk. Myself and my co-workers have each heard the students say things that have made us call them out on things. The older children were given a writing assignment in which they were to write a letter to their body, thanking it for all the wonderful things it's capable of doing. They were, additionally, to write about how they could try to see others the same way (I'd have to find the prompt that we gave the older kids, I don't have it here in front of me).
I had the kids work on these letters the other day, and one of them asked if I'd like to read what they wrote. Sure! I'll gladly read whatever my students write. I was handed the notebook where the letter was, and each line of this letter was ever-increasing in heartbreaking statements. Things like, "You're ugly," and "You're fat" and followed up with, "I say this out of love, to help you."
-record scratch- Um... 'scuse me?! When I finished reading the letter, I scribbled a note at the bottom of the page for the student. I didn't expect an answer back, as I wrote it as a means of offering the student some self-reflection. I had asked the student, in my little note, "Who taught you that this is somehow 'loving' to say to yourself, let alone anyone else?"
When I read this student's letter to themselves, I couldn't help but think about when my own mother and her poor excuse for a (then) life-partner would say all kinds of awful, ugly things to me, but follow it up with, "I love you." Um... no, that is not how this works! It does not work where you can be all kinds of hateful and hurtful and then in the same breath, offer some sentimental statement about how much you "care" about the very person you just berated to nothing!
The student in question? They are not quite 13. They are barely in middle school. This person is very intelligent, talented, and has a big heart. However, there's something else going on, skulking in the shadows of this person's mind about how they perceive themselves and those around them.
After I read this, I decided to stop by the library on my way home from work. I decided to pick up some books on body shaming and negative self-talk, about bullying. I need to come up with a lesson plan for a lesson that will (I hope) resonate with the kids at work when I give this lesson. I can't help but wonder what else the kids aren't saying that's led them to this point. What else has caused them to have these awful opinions about themselves and decide, by extension, to lash out and berate others, too.
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